Help! I'm Trapped in My Sister's Body

  1

  "Your sister's armpits smell so bad, the teacher gave her an A for not raising her hand," Andy said.

  Andy, Josh, and I were out on the street in front of my house, throwing a football around. Andy and I were wearing white T-shirts and navy sweatpants. Josh was wearing a gray sweatshirt and jeans.

  "Oh, yeah?" I said. "Well, your brother's so dumb he sold his car for gas money."

  "Yeah?" said Andy. "Well, your sister's been in the same grade for so long everyone thinks she's the teacher."

  "Yeah?" I shot back. "Well, your brother's so stupid he sat on the TV and watched the couch."

  "Oh, yeah?" Andy said. "Well — "

  "Will you guys shut up!" Josh shouted. "All you do is diss each other. I'm sick of it. Let's play ball. I'm going out for a pass, Jake. See if you can hit me."

  Josh started to jog away. I pulled the football back and heaved, but my throw was short and bounced on the street behind him.

  "Your aim is so bad you could throw at the ground and miss," Andy quipped.

  "Oh, yeah?" I sputtered. "Well, you're so uncoordinated you slept on the floor and still fell out of bed!"

  "Oh, yeah?" Andy began. "Well — "

  "Shut up!" Josh screamed at both of us. His face was red. "You want to know how dumb both of you are? You spent all afternoon dissing each other when you could have been working on plays for the big game tomorrow."

  He handed the football to Andy, then turned to me. "For the last time, Jake, let's try to practice something. We'll do a crossing pattern. We both go straight out, count to three and cross. Got it?"

  I nodded.

  "Okay, hike!" Andy yelled.

  I took off down the street. At the count of three I cut left and looked back. Andy had released a perfect spiral right toward me. All I had to do was —

  Oof! The football slid through my fingers and fell to the street. Another mess up. As I ran after the ball, I heard someone chuckle.

  "Great catch, Jake." It was my sister, Jessica, rubbing it in as usual.

  I straightened up. She looked different. Her long straight brown hair was now curly. It had a reddish tint when the sunlight fell on it. She was wearing a tight red sweater and a short skirt. A strange scent filled the air around hen

  "What happened to you?" I asked.

  Jessica touched her new hair self-consciously. "What do you mean?"

  "I mean it's not Halloween, so what's with the costume?"

  Jessica narrowed her eyes angrily. She reached down and picked up the football. "Go out for a long one, Andy."

  Andy started to run. Jessica held the ball and waited. Andy kept running down the street away from us.

  "Forget it," I said. "There's no way you can throw that far."

  A second later Jessica heaved a perfect bomb. "Amazing!" Josh gasped as the ball sailed high into the air.

  Andy stretched his arms out and just managed to snag the pass. He started jogging back to us. "Great throw, Jessica."

  Jessica gave me one of her superior looks. "You got lucky," I said.

  "Oh?" Her eyebrows rose and she glowered at me. Then she turned to Andy. "I'm going to run a slant pattern, down and out. Think you can hit me?"

  "I'll try," Andy said.

  Jessica took off down the street with her new hair bouncing and her short skirt flapping. Andy heaved the football. Too high! It was going to fly over her head.

  "Bad pass." Andy shook his head. "My fault."

  But as the ball sailed over her, Jessica stretched way up and grabbed it with her fingertips.

  "Unreal!" Josh cried. He and Andy gave me funny looks. I knew what they were thinking: Too bad I was playing in the big game tomorrow, and not Jessica.

  2

  "Thanks for making me look like a total wuss in front of my friends," I said later when Jessica and I were in the kitchen eating spaghetti for dinner.

  "You deserved it," Jessica shot back. "For making that crack about my hair."

  "I only said that because you made that crack about me missing the football," I said. "You're the one who started it. And you didn't have to make me look bad in public."

  "Oh?" she frowned. "What was I supposed to do?"

  "Wait until we're alone," I said. "You can humiliate me all you want. Just do it in private."

  "I'll be sure to remember that next time." She rolled her eyes.

  "You just don't get it," I said, gnawing angrily on my thumbnail. "The worst thing you can do is make a guy look bad in sports."

  "Come off it, Jake," my sister replied, like she didn't believe me. "It's only sports."

  "Only sports?" I gasped. "Are you crazy? Sports is everything when you're fourteen. There's hardly anything else that even matters."

  Jessica gazed up at the ceiling and let out a big sigh. "You're totally hopeless."

  "I'm hopeless?" I shot back. "Look who's talking. I bet you paid a fortune to make your hair kinky, red, and ugly. You spend half your life in your room putting on makeup and taking it off, and trying on outfit after outfit. Didn't anyone ever tell you they're only clothes?"

  My sister looked down her nose at me. "You don't understand anything, Jake."

  "Wrong. I understand lots of things. The only thing I don't understand is you!" Once again that weird scent wafted into my nose.

  "And what's that smell anyway?" I asked.

  "What smell?"

  "The smell I smell every time you get close."

  Jessica bit her lip and tugged nervously at her earlobe. "You don't like it?" "Get real, Jess. It smells like roadkill that's been left in the sun too long."

  Jessica's jaw tightened. Her eyes began to get watery, but she blinked back the tears. She stood up. "You are the meanest, cruelest little bratty excuse for a human being I've ever seen. I'm glad I made you look like a wuss in front of your friends, because you are a wuss, Jake. You can't throw, you can't catch. The only thing worse than you on a football field would be a corpse."

  She stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the door closed behind her.

  3

  I finished dinner and went up to my room.

  Across the hall I could hear Jessica in her room gabbing on her phone as usual. I felt bad because of what she'd said, and because of what I'd said. Maybe she was right. Maybe I had been mean to her.

  But she'd been mean to me.

  And she'd started it.

  Yeah, yeah, I know two wrongs don't make a right.

  But why do I have to be the first to admit it?

  I was just about to go into my room when I heard the phone ring in my parents' room. I knew Jessica wouldn't answer it because she was on her own line, so I answered it.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey, Jake." It was my dad. From the sound of it, he was calling from the car.

  "Hi, Dad, what's up?"

  "Your mom and I are stuck in traffic. I think we're going to be here a while. Have you had dinner?"

  "Yeah, Jessica made spaghetti."

  "Good," Dad said. "Listen, there's something I forgot to tell you. Mr. Hoshino is coming by tomorrow with his daughter Sumiko."

  "Wha ?" I felt my jaw drop in surprise.

  "They're over here from Tokyo. Mr. Hoshino and I have some business to discuss. Think you could show Sumiko around for the day?"

  "Uh . . . I . . . I guess," I stammered.

  "Great. We'll see you later." He hung up.

  In a daze I stumbled into my room and sat on my bed. Sumiko Hoshino was coming here? For the past year she and I had been trading E-mail over the Internet. Our dads did business together. It was my dad's idea that I become pen pals with her. Except for him, I'd never told anyone about her.

  Rap! Rap! A
knock on my door shook me out of my dazed state.

  "What do you want?" I yelled.

  The door opened and Jessica stuck her head in. "Got a second?"

  "For you? No."

  She came in anyway and stood just inside the door, where she crossed her arms and gave me an earnest look. "Why do we have to be so mean to each other?"

  I could have made some cruel, snappy, nasty

  reply, but I was getting tired of that. So I said, "I don't know, Jess. Maybe that's just the way brothers and sisters are supposed to be."

  "All we do is hurt each other's feelings," Jessica pointed out. "I mean, maybe we should try to understand each other more."

  "You want the totally honest truth?" I said. "Even if I tried for the next thousand years I'd never understand what it's like to be you."

  "Why not?" my sister asked.

  "Because I don't break down in tears when I can't decide what to wear. I don't throw a fit when my makeup isn't right, or when I don't like my hair. You, on the other hand, do that at least once a week."

  Jessica thought about it for a moment. "You're right, Jake. You can't understand what it's like to be me. So how about this? Even though we don't understand each other, let's at least try to be nice to each other, okay?"

  She came over and held out her hand.

  I stared at her. "I just want to remind you that you're the one who started the whole thing in the first place by making fun of me in front of my friends."

  I expected her to argue, but to my surprise, she nodded in agreement. "I know, but I'm supposed to see Dr. Paine tomorrow morning. He has to fill three cavities and they're deep."

  "So?" I asked.

  "You know how edgy I get when I have to see the dentist," she explained.

  "I don't know what the big deal is," I said. "All he has to do is shoot you up with Novocain and you won't feel a thing."

  My sister turned pale. That's when I remembered that the one thing she hates even more than the dentist is getting a shot.

  "Let's not talk about it," she said, still holding out her hand. "Let's just agree not to be so mean to each other from now on, okay?"

  "Okay." I shook her hand. Once again that weird scent wafted into my nose. "What is that smell?"

  "Patchouli oil," Jessica said. "It smells a little strange at first, but you get used to it."

  "You mean, you wear it?"

  "Yes."

  "What's the point?" I asked.

  "I just don't want to be like every other girl, that's all."

  "I don't think that's something you have to worry about," I replied.

  Jessica stiffened. "I thought we just agreed to be nice to each other."

  "You're right," I admitted. "Let's pretend I meant it in a nice way."

  Jessica nodded and left my room. In a way, I was kind of relieved that we'd agreed not to pick on each other anymore. It made life nicer.

  In the meantime, my thoughts turned back to Sumiko Hoshino.

  She was coming to visit tomorrow.

  Suddenly I had a major problem.

  4

  You want me to switch bodies with you?" Jessica looked up from her homework and stared at me in disbelief.

  "Just for tomorrow morning," I said.

  "Forget it." She turned back to her books.

  "I thought we were going to be nice to each other from now on," I reminded her.

  "That's right," Jessica said without looking up. "But switching bodies with you goes way beyond being nice."

  "Why?" I asked.

  For a second Jessica looked like she was going to say something mean, but then she swallowed her tongue. "Let's just drop it, okay?"

  "If we switch, you won't have to go to the dentist," I said. "I'll go for you."

  The creases between my sister's eyes deepened. I could tell that she was actually considering it. "And what would I have to do for you?"

  "Uh . . . play touch football?"

  Jessica eyed me suspiciously. "There has to be more to this, Jake. There's something you're not telling me."

  There was something. Or someone. The last thing I wanted to do was tell her about Sumiko. Jessica would probably goof on me for the next three trillion years. But it looked like I had no choice.

  "Just remember, it was your idea that we should be nice to each other from now on," I said to prepare her.

  Jessica nodded, but I saw a twinkle in her eye. She knew something good was coming.

  "Well, there's this girl," I started. "From Japan." Then I went on to tell her the whole story of how Sumi was coming to visit with her father.

  "Aw, isn't that cute?" Jessica grinned. "Little Jakey-poo's got a secret girlfriend."

  "I thought you agreed to be nice," I reminded her.

  "Saying you have a secret girlfriend isn't being mean," Jessica said. "I think it's sweet."

  I gave her a suspicious look. I wasn't sure I believed her. "Well, she's not my girlfriend anyway. She's just a pen pal."

  "Then what's the problem?" Jessica asked.

  "Well, uh, you see, I, er, well, I told her something that isn't exactly, er, true." My face was growing hot with embarrassment.

  Jessica's eyes seemed to sparkle with delight. "What?"

  "Swear you won't tell anyone?" I asked.

  "Yes."

  "Cross your heart?"

  "Yes."

  Then I noticed her hands were hidden under her desk. "You're not crossing your fingers, are you?"

  "No."

  "Show me."

  "For Pete's sake." Jessica showed me her hands. "I promise I won't tell anyone."

  "Okay." I took a deep breath. "I told Sumi . . . that I was a really good athlete."

  "Ha! Ha!" Jessica burst into laughter.

  "I thought we agreed to be nice," I grumbled.

  "Okay, okay. Just let me catch my breath." Jessica stopped laughing, but she still had a big grin on her face. "Of all the things to tell her, Jake. Didn't you ever learn that it doesn't pay to fib?"

  "But she lives on the other side of the world," I said, exasperated. "How was I supposed to know she'd come here?"

  "So just tell her the truth," Jessica said.

  I shook my head.

  "Why not?" she asked.

  I pressed my lips together and said nothing. My sister furrowed her brow. Then the smile grew bigger. "Oh, I get it," she said. "She's just a pen pal now, but you're hoping that maybe, if you play your cards right, she could be more."

  If my face felt hot before, it was on fire now. "If you make fun of me, so help me I'll — "

  "Take a chill pill, Jake." Jessica calmly crossed her arms. "Besides, it won't work. We can't switch bodies anyway. Tomorrow's Saturday and school's closed. We couldn't get in to use Mr. Dirksen's machine even if we wanted to."

  "Wrong. School's open from eight until noon for a young writers' conference," I informed her.

  My sister picked up a pencil and tapped it against her textbook. It looked like she was still thinking about it. But then she shook her head.

  "I can't, Jake."

  "Why not?"

  "I just can't."

  Now it was my turn to eye her suspiciously. "I think there's something you're not telling me."

  "You're right." Jessica turned back to her homework.

  "So tell me."

  "No."

  "Why not? I told you my secret, didn't I?" "There's no rule that says just because you do something I have to do it too."

  She was right, but it annoyed me anyway. "So tomorrow, instead of playing touch football, you'd rather be sitting in Dr. Paine's dentist's chair?"

  Jessica didn't look up from her homework. "That's right, Jake."

  "Eeeeeeeeuirtunnnnnnnnnnnne!" I made the sound of a dentist's drill.

  "Stop it, Jake."

  "Eeeeeeeevantinnnnnnnnnunne!"

  "I thought we agreed to be nice to each other," she said.

  "Just because I'm imitating a dentist's drill doesn't mean I'm not being nice," I said. "Ee
eeeeeenitivinnnnynnnnnnne!"

  "Well, it doesn't sound nice to me."

  "Okay, I'll make a different sound. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed as if I was being tortured. "Look out! Here comes the Novocain!"

  Whap! Jessica slammed her pen down on her desk and shouted, "Get out!"

  I backed toward the door. "Come on, Jessica, why not switch with me? You know you can't stand the idea of going to Dr. Paine's. You play football for me and I'll get drilled for you. It'll be perfect."

  Brrrrriiiinnnngggg! The phone next to Jessica's bed rang. She has her own phone because if she isn't putting on makeup, trying on outfits, or doing her homework, she's usually gabbing away with one of her friends. She answered it. "Hello? Oh, hi, Dan."

  "Winters?" I whispered. Dan "Zitface" Winters was a tenthgrader who thought he was Mr. Totally Suave.

  "Could you hold on a second, Dan?" Jessica clamped her hands around the receiver and hissed at me. "Get out, or I'll kill you!"

  "Tsk, tsk." I wagged a finger at her. "I thought we were going to be nice."

  Jessica shot daggers at me with her eyes. I left her room, but stopped outside the door and listened.

  "Nothing, Dan, just my annoying little brother," Jessica said. "Two o'clock sounds fine. Great, see you tomorrow."

  So that was why Jessica didn't want to switch bodies with me! She had a date!

  5

  As soon as my sister was off the phone I open her door and went back in. "Why would you go anywhere with that jerk?" I asked. "You know he chases every girl he sees."

  Jessica looked surprised. "You listened?"

  "Hey." I shrugged. "That's what annoying little brothers do, right?"

  My sister sighed and shook her head. "I can't believe I promised to be nice to you."

  "So." I rubbed my chin. "Tomorrow at two o'clock. Wonder what that's all about? Hey, I know! He's taking you to the carnival!"

  Jessica smirked. "You're so smart, Jake."

  "But why should that stop you from switching with me in the morning?" I asked.

  "I just don't want to take any chances," she replied.

  "Chances? You mean you're worried that something will go wrong and you won't get to be with Zitface?"

  "Would you please stop calling him that?" Jessica asked. "His name happens to be Dan."